West Wind

Who She Is These Days

2011-07-27T13:04:00.000-04:00

Two

2010-12-27T19:19:00.003-05:00

Before I had one child, I always assumed I would have a lot of children - at least four, maybe more. I grew up in a big family (nine kids, total) and love the way that, as an adult, I feel an almost limitless support system out there – eight other people who share my parents, my memories, my childhood; eight other people I know I can call upon if needed, who are there for me in a particular way that no other people in the world can ever be. And I wanted that for my kids – that far flung circle, that constellation of family. I imagined a house full of children. And even now, there is something soothed in me when my home is full of the sounds only a crowd of kids can make. There is something primal in my gut that is satisfied by a full house, a wealth of people under my roof.

What I didn’t account for, though, while I was imagining this giant posse of kids, was… well, first of all, my husband, who didn’t exactly share my vision of an overflowing child stuffed utopia. He grew up quite happily with just one sibling – an older sister - and where I see abundance, he sees chaos. What sounds joyful and raucous (in the best kind of way) to me, most likely translates to a whole lot of out of control noise to him. And second of all, I didn’t know, until we had our first baby, just how absorbing even one child can be. I didn’t know how swept up and swept under I would be by the tides of parenthood - babyhood, preschool, grade school. I didn’t know how much just one child needed, how much time, how much attention, how many resources. Not that I begrudge them at all – just that, suddenly, I actually recognized the need for them. Suddenly, the multitudes of children my parents collectively raised seemed like a lot of fucking work. And so, after we had that first baby, once I birthed and nursed and watched that kid grow like a friggin’ weed, my fierce desire for a big family died back. I was pretty dang content raising our one little son as we slowly made our way along the path of parenthood. We knew that we didn’t exactly plan for him to be an only child, but, then again, we weren’t exactly gunning to have another one any time soon, either. We were very young when he was born; we had the luxury of being able to wait quite a long time before we even started thinking about a second kid. And, in fact, it was our son’s longing for a sibling that kicked in first. At around five or six, he suddenly started talking about being a big brother, wondering what it would be like to have a baby in the house. And at first this was cute – and easily dismissed or redirected. But he didn’t let the subject go – he brought it up over and over. He worried it. And eventually, his curiosity, his need, his pursuit of the topic, actually triggered our desire, got us first thinking, and then actively pursuing, the idea of that second child.

In hindsight, I should have realized something special was happening then. I should have realized that not every child desires a sibling, feels a hole in his family that not even his parents are feeling yet. But Spike did. And his need was contagious.

Before I had two children, I just assumed that the relationship my children would have as siblings would pretty much echo the relationship I had with my own brothers and sisters as I grew up. I assumed that, while they were kids, they would love each other deep down, sure, but on a day to day basis – they would pretty much be adversaries. They would sometimes play together, mostly because of sheer proximity, but mainly, they would annoy each other, compete against each other for attention and resources, find ways to torture each other in that way that the siblings of my experience did. I assumed they would yell at and sometimes hit each other. Maybe sometimes do even worse things (I have clear memories of pinning down my little brother and dangling loogies over his face. Or the time when my three older siblings ganged up on me and threw me in the shallow and disgusting duck pond in our backyard). I assumed that some of the worst and most sadistic behavior of my children’s lives would be aimed at each other. I assumed that, like me, they probably wouldn’t clearly see many of the benefits or pleasures of sibling relationships until they were separated – until they were adults and could reform their relationship in an adult way. My siblings are my peers now – my friends – and I love spending time with them. But as a child, my relationship with them was fraught and complicated – an ever shifting tangle of competition and alliances. Often fun, but never entirely safe or predictable. And certainly, once we grew past toddlerhood, there was no outward expression of love between us. There was teasing and fighting and wrestling and sniping. We either got along, or we didn’t get along. And it was only once we were grown up, out of the house, and no longer living together, that we discovered that we actually not only loved each other, but liked each other as well, and could say so out loud. And this was what I pretty much assumed would be happening between FF and Spike. I was looking forward to a good ten years or more of Ryan and I being referees, someone to stand between them and keep them safe from each other until they were out of the house, and old enough to discover their adult relationship.

But, as I am so often reminded anew, my children are not me. And the thing that I never expected, the thing that I didn’t even dream of, was the pleasure, the sheer, amazing privilege, of seeing these two little people love each other so fiercely. It wasn’t like this right away. Though Spike was pretty much instantly smitten, FF took a long time to warm up to her big brother. I think she saw him as a threat at first, another child who might compete for the resources she so desperately needed. But as soon as she bonded with us enough, trusted that her needs were really going to be met on a regular basis – one day, she was able to look up and discover that her big brother was fun. One day she realized that there really was no one more compelling in the house. One day, she absolutely fell in love.

And it is no exaggeration to say that I am regularly astounded- astounded – by the affection, the play, the tolerance, the sheer joy these two take in each other. I am choked up on a regular basis by their astonishing loyalty. The way that my son protects his little sister, helps her, guides her, interprets for her, laughs with her, is so proud of her. The way my daughter doggedly adores and admires her big brother – maybe more than anyone else in her world, the way she literally hurls herself at him when they are reunited after they’ve been apart, the utter excitement in her voice when she spies him across the schoolyard and shouts out his name, the way she twines her little arms around him, hugs him with all the considerable strength in her tiny body. It leaves me absolutely flabbergasted. I honestly had no idea that anything existed in this world as satisfying and sweet as watching those two love each other, as seeing this incredible bond that has formed between them. I had no idea that the best, most rewarding part of parenting would actually be outside of their relationship to me - - the best part is watching how these two little people care for each other in such a real and deep way.

They are, of course, not perfect. They do fight. They do annoy each other. They do compete for attention. They need space from each other. But, these things are truly secondary in their relationship. Because the overriding thing between them is this joyous, funny pleasure that they take in each other’s company. They are, I think, a type of soul mates, people who recognize the best in each other. It gives me great relief to think that someday, when Ryan and I are no longer here, they will still have each other. That they will take care of each other. That they will never lack for family or love. It is a gift -one that I treasure over anything else in my life - and I love that it took me by surprise.

Forever and Ever

2010-04-18T00:15:00.003-04:00

The heartbreaking story of Artyom Savelyev and the subsequent fallout in the media and adoption communities has left me angry. Angry, frustrated, and …weary and sad, honestly. These sort of scandals have happened often enough since adoption became central to our family, that I can pretty much predict how the news arc is going to go. First - the shock and horror and condemnation of the adults involved: “Oh, what a terrible parent to do that to her child! How could she! She’s a monster! What is wrong with her?” and then – and I think this time around it probably took less than an hour or two for the tide to turn - the reports of Artyom’s “dangerous” behavior to surface. We start hearing terms like “Reactive Attachment Disorder, Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, Dissociative Disorder” getting thrown around. Then we hear that the child drew a picture of a house burning down. Then we hear that he threatened to burn the house down. And then, suddenly, even though nobody directly involved in this case is talking to the press, there are breathless reports of this child actually starting several small fires in his bedroom. In the blink of an eye, it’s not the adoptive mother who is the monster any longer – it’s the child; one so dangerous, so damaged, so broken as to become practically subhuman. And suddenly people are saying that obviously, the only possible course of action was to put this dangerous, damaged seven year old child on a plane alone, and fly him back to Russia, to be delivered to a government building where nobody had any idea that he would be arriving. And now he is back in the same institution where his adoptive mother has claimed he was regularly beaten with a broomstick. Because… because he deserved it, apparently. Brought it upon himself by being less than what was expected of him.

Judging from interviews with the driver who picked him up in Russia, Artyom had no idea what was happening to him. He seemed rather calm at first, drew some pictures, showed his crayons and toys to the driver. Even offered to share his snacks and a set of toy wings he had been given by the pilot. And then he asked for his grandmother – the same grandmother who had walked him onto the plane in D.C. and then walked away. (I wonder, I wonder what she said to him as they parted. Did she lie and say she’d see him soon? Did she tell him the truth – that she would never see him again? Did she kiss him? Did she care?). And the driver didn’t know what to say. And then Artyom asked for his grandmother again. And begin to cry.

I imagine Artyom sitting all those long hours on the plane. I imagine that the last time he was on a plane for these kind of long hours was six months earlier, when he was flying from Russia to Tennessee, with his new mother, when things were about to change for him forever. And now, here he was, alone, surely wondering what in the world was happening to him all over again.

I think about what it was like for FF when she flew for the first time since she had come home, a year after that long trip from China. We were visiting Oregon, and we thought a redeye flight would be easiest – surely she would sleep the whole way there. Instead, as the cabin grew dark and people drifted off to sleep around us, she repeated over and over and over again, “I want to go home. Where’s my home?” getting progressively louder and louder, sobbing and then panicking, as we walked her up and down the aisle, trying to calm her, trying to reassure our exhausted, frightened little girl. Until finally, it occurred to Ryan to state the obvious, to say, “FF, don’t worry, no matter where we go, Mama will be with you. Baba will be with you. Spikey will be with you. We aren’t going away from you. You will stay with us no matter where we are.” And at this? She immediately stopped crying, put her head down on her daddy’s shoulder, and fell into a long and peaceful sleep.

Sometimes, maybe, we forget. Our children, they seem so strong, so calm, so happy, going about their day to day lives. We bathe them and feed them, pull some pajamas over their heads, read them stories, hold them as they drift off to sleep, watch over them and love them with all our hearts. But sometimes, we forget to see things through their eyes. To remember what our kids have gone through. What incredible changes, what incredible losses, what strength they have shown, what trials they have endured. And we forget that they have weathered things that we wouldn’t imagine asking of any adult: lose your family, leave your home, lose everyone you know, your language, your culture, everything familiar, and start out new with a bunch of strangers who are insisting they are your family now – all with virtually no forewarning or cogent explanation. We forget how much we have asked of our children, how we assume they will fall into our lives like birds who smack up against a window – pick them up, breathe on them, and they will shake it off, and go right back to flying. We forget all this, because, often, on the surface at least, they have done just that. These kids who have gone through unimaginably brutal and shocking loss and change, have adjusted and adapted and trustingly put their hands into ours, starting over in a way that I don’t think many adults could possibly fathom living through. These kids – these kids are brave in ways that most of their parents might not ever fully understand.

We forget all this until suddenly, Artyom’s story appears in the news. And then something is wrenched open, and our children, our strong, brave, beautiful children, are being looked at as potentially troubled, damaged, even pathological and dangerous. The stories start circulating again: “Well, I had a neighbor who had a friend who adopted a child who woke them up in the middle of the night with a knife in his hand…” “I know a family who had a cousin whose adopted children accused them of unspeakable, untrue things…” “I knew a couple who were told a child was this, and it turned out he was that!”… It goes on and on – the whispering, the suspicion, the assumptions. And somewhere along the line someone says, “If I had a child like that – that’s exactly what I would do. End it. Send him back. I can’t blame that mother.”

And it is not fair that my child should ever have to hear such things; to hear the story of an adopted child being “returned.” To hear someone say that there could ever be a good enough reason for this kind of reversal. It is unacceptable to me for her to ever wonder if she was bad enough, or failed enough, or just not all we expected, she could be sent back to where we first met her. It is horrifying to me think that she could ever imagine a reason that I would stop being her mother.

So, I can blame that mother in Tennessee. And I do blame that mother. And, actually, I can scarcely bring myself to call her a mother. Because, here’s the thing, the minute these kids are handed over into our care – that’s it. That’s all. They are our children. And maybe it will be harder than we thought. And maybe there will be struggle. And almost certainly, it will not look exactly like what we originally imagined – because parenthood- any kind of parenthood – never really does. But that doesn’t matter. Because, from that moment on, it is no longer about us - the adoptive parents - it is about them – the children we have pledged to love and care for. The children we now call ours. And if we parents, who have these amazing examples of courage and fortitude standing right in front of us, these kids who have gone through unimaginable hardship and survived, can’t stand by this most basic, necessary promise? Then, in our weakness, we have become exactly the broken, dangerous creatures that people accuse our children of being.

FF plays and laughs, gives us kisses and hugs, loudly quarrels with her brother, cuddles close to me when I pick her up, pretends to be a dog, a horse, my mama, Shaggy from Scooby Doo, demands noodles and lollipops, shares a joke with her brother, won’t stop bothering the dog, giggles with her friends, climbs her baba, carries the cat around the house, changes her clothes a dozen times each day, ignores my call, breathes her funny confidences into my ear, runs naked through the grass, picks the dandelions, shows me the moon, dances to a song only she can hear. And she is my daughter. And there is nothing – nothing – that can change that.

How It’s Different

2010-02-19T17:09:00.001-05:00

Sometimes people ask me (sotto voiced – as if they are ashamed of themselves for asking before the words even come out of their mouth) “is there a… difference? You know, between the way you feel about him” (bio kid) “and her?” (adopted kid).

And sometimes I actually answer this question -if I’m in the right mood, talking to the right person, at the right moment.

And I say, “Sure. Sure there is a difference.”

And for a split second, people look shocked. Or they look horrified. Or they look strangely satisfied, as if I’ve admitted something that they knew must be true.

But they are reading it wrong.

Because I am certainly not saying that I love one of them more than another.

That is not what I’m saying at all. Because there’s absolutely no difference there. Spike was handed me to me, after eight hours of hard labor, still dripping with my own blood, cross eyed and slippery, more sea creature than human, and I fell instantly in love with him. FF was handed to me, nearly two years old, terrified and silent, beautiful and fully formed, and I instantly fell in love with her. True, unbreakable, unconditional love. The kind only a parent can feel for her child. And I know that sometimes it doesn’t happen like that (for bio kids, too). I know that bonding can take time. I’m not denying that. But what I say is true. I was ready for her. My heart was wide open to her. And luckily, her heart was open, too. I instantly loved her. Just like I instantly loved my son. I was instantly their mother.

But here’s the difference; here’s the thing: With Spike – I can account for pretty much every hour, every minute, every second of his life so far, not only from birth, but from conception. I’ve been around. I know what he’s made of. I don’t think he has any major secrets from me just yet.

With her, I never forget where she came from.

And by that, I mean China. And by that, I mean her CWI. And by that, I mean the marketplace they found her in. And by that, I mean her First Family. I never, never forget that.

I never forget that if I had zigged instead of zagged, I might not have her here, in my arms. If we had stayed with the first agency we worked with, she wouldn’t have been listed with them. If I hadn’t met Linda and Emme Lu, we might not have been open to adopting a child with FF’s particular special need. If we hadn’t put in the paperwork when we put in the paperwork. If the people who wrote our letters of recommendation were earlier or later in returning them. If the head of our agency hadn’t been looking at her particular file when I called. If we had requested a younger child. Or an older one. Or what if we never thought of adopting at all?

And the thing is, unlike our son, who truly needed my particular egg to meet his dad’s particular sperm at that particular moment in time to come into creation – FF would still exist outside of us. We had absolutely nothing to do with her existence. She lived almost two years of her life without my hand touching hers. If we hadn’t been her family, surely she would have been placed with another family by now (the program she was included in did a spectacular job of placing all the kids who needed families at that time). She might even be living in NY, or perhaps somewhere else. She’d have a different name. Probably look slightly different (maybe other parents would have been more vigilant about the scissors and she wouldn’t have given herself a homemade haircut). And maybe, depending on how she was cared for, she’d be a slightly different child.

I never shake that. I never shake just how close a call it was. Just how many things had to line up for this particular child to become part of our particular family. I also never shake the fact that she had to go through a world of loss and pain before she met us. I don’t pretend her life started the moment she was handed to me in China.

And it leaves me both sad and grateful. Because I don’t really buy into the whole red thread thing. I didn’t look for lady bugs. I don’t think she was predestined to be part of our lives. I don’t believe in a god who guided her into my arms. I don’t look at her and think, “Oh, she is meant to be mine. She is so much like me, or her father, or her brother.” I don’t believe that I could have birthed someone just like her all by myself. I don’t think that we would have found each other, no matter what. I am acutely aware of the loss she had to go through before she came to us. And, actually, I think she’s a frigging miracle. A miracle because of who she is. And a miracle because she is, somehow, with me.

So I guess I do believe in luck. Not her’s (she can make that decision later on – whether she was lucky or not), but my luck. My luck in having all the right elements line up at the exactly right moments that led me to this particular child. This child, I love so much. This child who is my daughter by circumstance, rather than any genetic mash up I contributed to, but who I could not love more. And that luck seems so very fragile to me. Like the tiniest puff of breath might have tilted us away from her. A change in the weather could have caused her to slip from my hands.

I can look at my son and think about the original moment of luck – the moment his father and I created him – and how genetically random that was. I can be grateful that I had a healthy pregnancy, a fairly uneventful birth, and it all resulted in a child who has grown up into this big, gorgeous ten year old boy. And I am grateful every day that we made such an awesome kid – because he is – he is awesome. And I look at him and think of those things, and am ineffably grateful. He has my heart. But see, with him, I never spend much time thinking about what might have been. Because he is and always was, right? There is no mystery beyond the actual mystery of creation. He was made by me and Ryan. Born to me. Never really without me.

But with her, it’s, “What if?” I look at her and feel like I have to grasp her to me just a little tighter because I almost never held her. I feel like this love between us – as unbreakable as it is now – was gossamer and milkweed – floating on the breeze – before it just, totally by chance, bumped up against my cheek, landed in my hand. And you know, it took root – it’s a tree now – or a mountain – a world of its own – unchangeable and solid. But those two years – those two years when she was on this earth, and I was on this earth – and we had never even looked each other in the eyes? When we had no idea that the other person even existed? And all the things that had to happen and bloom and change and swirl to bring us face to face? The river of things that had to happen before I could hold her heart to heart – feel her pulse regulating to mine, breathe her in as she breathed out? That? That takes my breath away and makes my heart crack, and can send me sinking into a morass of wonder and thankfulness. The possibility of never having her – it is not unthinkable.

But it is unbearable.

And I suppose that’s the difference.

Two Years ago Today

2010-02-18T21:46:00.003-05:00

Two years ago today we met FF for the first time in an office in Nanjing, Jiangsu.

She cried for about fifteen seconds, then quieted down and became the silent, watchful girl she would be for the next 24 hours or so.

Except, for this miraculous moment, when I started singing to her - a Chinese lullaby called "Ibiyaya". The minute I started singing, her head snapped up, she grabbed my hand, looked me in the eyes, and started rocking in time. It was an incredible moment of connection. The first of so many we'd have.

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T16:43:00.001-05:00

FF the Photographer

2009-12-29T12:26:00.001-05:00

The only thing FF asked for from Santa this year was a camera. Over and over, we would ask, “What do you want for xmas?” and she would say, “A camera!” Luckily, Santa came through. And not only did he get her a camera, he bought her one that was coated in rubber, so it will difficult to break. Which, since FF has broken three of our cameras, total, is an important consideration.

Once she got her camera – she got right to taking pictures. Here are a few of her greatest hits:

Mom.

Leroy.

Dad

Spikey.

Mom and Dragon.

Party at the Parker-Myers

Flora!

Doll and Molly.

Abstract of rug. Notice the use of movement!

Self Portrait.

Merry Xmas!

2009-12-24T14:52:00.001-05:00

(Picture by Molly. Thanks Molly!)

Spike Turns Ten!

2009-12-04T12:12:00.001-05:00

Spike turned Ten on Wednesday. Ten! I can't believe it!

He started his big day the night before when his BFF Matt showed up as a surprise. Matt spent the night and they were allowed to skip school together on the Big Day.

There was breakfast in bed. Don't judge. If you were a ten year old boy, you know you'd want this, too.

The day continued on with presents, lunch at Spike’s favorite noodle place, fish shopping for his new aquarium, chocolate cake, and more presents, of course.

This blog is FF's story, so I don't often write about Spike here, but suffice to say, I feel so incredibly lucky to have this child in my life. Whenever people talk to us about him, they use the word "beloved" - and that's exactly it.

He is a boy who attracts love to him (and not just from his family, but from the general world around him), who gives it back in an equally generous measure, and whose warmth, humor, intelligence and empathy regularly astounds me. He is a child at ease with himself, and because of that, he is able to love easily, with an open and gentle heart. And people devotedly love him back.

When you have a child, I think you wish for a lot things for him – intelligence, happiness, good health… and we are lucky, because Spike has all these things - but this other gift he has – this astonishing ability to love and be loved with such grace – it is more than I ever dared ask for him. Beloved, indeed. I feel so very, very lucky to be his mother. Happy double digits, my darling boy! Thank you for being the best son and big brother I could possibly imagine!

Thanksgiving 2009

2009-11-27T22:05:00.001-05:00

We had pizza. Don’t ask. But it was homemade at least. And all will be forgiven once you take a gander at my children in their matching footie pajamas. Yes. I found a pair that actually fit Spike. And yes, I am thankful that my nearly ten year old son still loves to wear footie pajamas.

They like to read together.

She Likes to Put Things in Bags.

2009-09-26T19:57:00.001-04:00

Eugene Part I

2009-08-12T15:22:00.001-04:00

We went home to Oregon for two weeks recently, and FF not only got to experience the ocean (the Pacific, which always feels like the proper ocean to me) for the first time, but she got to meet up with pretty much everyone in her family that she hasn't met yet. As you can imagine, there are a bajillion pictures - so I'll have to parcel them out.

So let's begin at the beginning, eh?

On the plane. The first time she has flown since she came home from China. We took a red eye and arrived at my dad's in Eugene around 5 a.m. Auntie Ren came home too, but not on the same plane. She met us at the Portland airport.

At my Dad and Lynn's. Getting ready to meet her great grandparents. Auntie Ren helps out with the hair.

All ready!

But first she has to spend some time with Granny Lynn and Tanaki. How FF and Spike love that bird (and their granny, too, of course. But they don't feed peanuts to Granny Lynn).

Seeing GGPa for the first time in a couple of years!

Meeting her Great Grandpa (who just turned 90!)

And her Great Grandma (who just turned 89!).

And then, since they are at Bampa and Cake's - straight into the pool!

FF, too of course.

She was right at home.

GGMa and GGPa like to sit by the water and watch.

Gabba came up for dinner.

And Bampa and Cake made dinner.

The next morning we visited Susan and Kurtis, Ben and Owen.

And fed their neighbors' mini horses!

The Mitchell Family Manse

Cousins

Gabba skipped over to visit and play some piano

And then, because we were in a friggin' heat wave (106!) back to the pool! Cake wins FF over with new dresses and...

...toe painting!

Owen decided to get in the act as well.

Owen's fancy toes.

Then on to Wicked Grandma's and Grandpa Zak's!

My mom always hangs presents for the kids on her home made welcome home sign.

And it's always appreciated, as one can imagine.

Yurt Decorations.

Uncle Max - who showed up just in time to make dessert!

Next morning.

She usually wakes up happy.

Can I come in?

FF Loooooves Sienna.

Come on Auntie Ren! Get your bikini on!

We've got swimming to do!

The cousins showed up, and Ren was out numbered.

Photo by FF

Pure joy.

There were lots and lots and lots of naps.

More to come!

The Last Two Months

2009-08-12T02:20:00.001-04:00

Playing catch up as always. Lots and lots and lots of pictures. And this doesn't even touch the photos from our trip back to Oregon . But gotta start somewhere, right? So, in no particular order....

I am guessing she is dancing to her current favorite song, Poker Face.

FF's Godfather, Johnny stayed with us for a couple weeks and taught Spike how to play his guitar.

4th of July pigtails!

She decided to change her outfit.

I swear she is not chanting "We're Number One!"

Picnic at the fairgrounds before fireworks. Take note that she's changed yet again.

First taste of cotton candy.

She really got a lot of fun out of that roll of paper towels.

Breakfast outside.

My beautiful boy.

Auntie Ren worked really hard to get Spike to try on that bikini top. Alas, she did not succeed.

Who else came to visit us?

Our beloved Emme Lu!

And our beloved Linda and Reuben, too, of course!

Auntie Ren proved to be very popular.

Oh Ren, come back to NY!

Gah! The cuteness! Thank goodness I had two little girl aprons!

Not sure what was going on here...

That takes us through early July, anyway... I More soon! I swear I'll do my best to post updates more often!

Celebrating Jun Ke

2009-06-01T16:58:00.001-04:00

Some friends of ours recently returned from China with their new eight year old son, Allan Jun Ke. So my friend Ellen and I decided that we should throw them a "baby" shower of sorts. A welcoming party, really.

We threw it at a local park. I don't know if you can tell, but we hung up both the American and Chinese National flag. Here we are starting to decorate.

FF put on her party dress.

Some familiar faces showed up!

The big kids hauled the little kids around a bit.

And Lili, who was adopted from Wuxi at the same time as Jun Ke, joined them.

The battle of the cakes!

Who knows who will win?...

But then a bunch of Eagle Scouts who were having a party in the community center next door tipped the scales by bringing over the remains of THEIR flag cake, and suddenly there were two American flags!

Here is the man of honor (Jun Ke, not Ryan)

Hazel, Spike and Jun Ke were going REALLY fast.

Then Hazel got off.

Then Spike got off.

And Jun Ke was happy to be the last man sitting.

There is a life sized concrete rhino at the park that the kids couldn't stay off of.

Rhino horn.

It was a lovely day in the park. A nice party for a very nice little boy.

(Pssst, there are two new posts below this one - - keep scrolling down!).

More Visitors!

2009-06-01T16:28:00.001-04:00

This has nothing to do with the rest of the photos in this post, but - she likes to pretend she's a dog.

Immediately (like the day after) my folks left, my dear old friends Yana and Alison and their families came up for a visit. We had dinner outside. The kids picnicked on a blanket...

While the grownups were a little (not much, still eating off paper plates) more formal.

Spike LOVED the visiting kids - especially the girls - Taty and Charlotte. They played for two days straight.

I don't know if there is anything I like more than big dinner parties where the parents get to eat and talk and drink while the kids run around and play and the sun slowly sets and no one makes a move to go inside. Such a deep, deep pleasure.

It happened to be Jeanmi's birthday - much to FF's obvious delight.

Cake?

Cake!

We lit a bonfire, turned the lanterns on at the swing set, and everyone played deep into the night.

And the next morning there was much boxing on the Wii.

Then we all took a field trip down to the local antique barn...

Where FF tried all the chairs...

And the big kids claimed this tree as their own.

The most wonderful of visits...

Grandparents and Graduation

2009-06-01T15:51:00.001-04:00

Sorry it's been so long. The month of May was incredibly busy. Wonderful, but busy. Two sisters graduated (G and Ren) and my parents came out from Oregon to attend the ceremonies and meet FF for the first time! It was a great visit. I only wish they could have stayed longer!

FF meets Granny Lynn. She was a tad bit shy at first.

And Grandpa Frank. She's wielding a rubber monster hand for some unknown reason...

Spike was very happy to see his grandparents, too!

As you can see, it took basically no time for FF to warm up.

Whatever my dad was doing was deemed HILARIOUS.

Spike had a wonderful dance concert, and pre-show, while we were waiting for him to warm up, we all played out on the playground.

This slide was especially cool because each of those dowels rolled as you slid down it. Here's FF catching Daddy.

Good Accessories, as always.

I forgot to bring my camera into the city for G's graduation (NYU, MSW, Whooo!) but I did manage to remember to bring it to Ren's (Sarah Lawrence, B.A. Whooo!)

Spike was very patient.

Lynn and Dad checking out their photos of the graduate.

Spike, FF and Ryan spent sometime outside the graduation tent once the speeches started. They could still hear them, but the kids didn't have to be so quiet.

Happy graduate! Now she just has to figure out what to do with the rest of her life!

Lipstick and Skittles

2009-05-09T21:48:00.002-04:00

Things Change Things Stay the Same

2009-04-24T21:57:00.001-04:00

The magnolia tree bloomed last year...

And the magnolia tree bloomed this year...

And this child seemed to bloom as well.

Pigtails

2009-04-22T17:56:00.001-04:00

(Signing "doll").

Reconsidering Password Protection

2009-04-20T00:08:00.003-04:00

So, don't worry if you requested the new password and haven't heard from me yet. Due to a few different things (nothing bad) I'm reconsidering password protecting this blog. I will, however, probably limit my posts to pictures and fairly brief updates (not that that's anything new these days). Haven't totally decided yet. But for now - no password. Thanks to everyone who asked to follow along - I will keep a list if I change my mind again!

Time for a Little Privacy

2009-04-08T14:21:00.001-04:00

So, the time has come to password protect this blog. Anyone still reading knows that I’ve trickled off on posting lately – trickled off on writing much, and basically just trickled off. But I do want to keep this space to post photos and the occasional FF update for friends, family, and people who have a reason to be interested. I have loved sharing the first year of FF’s time in our family with you all, but I feel like she’s getting older, this is really her story, and I shouldn’t be hanging it out in the wind for anyone and everyone to read anymore. I'll keep blogging publicly (and occasionally) at Other Flowers, and you can always find me on Facebook if you're dying to know my day to day whatever - but this place is going to be a little more private.

So, if you’re interested in continuing to have access to the site, please leave me a comment and your email in the comment box (or send me an email privately, if you’d rather) and I’ll send you the password before I protect. If you haven’t commented before or I don’t know you in IRL - please tell me a little bit about yourself and why you’re interested in the blog. And, if in the future, you know someone you want to share the blog with (say they are thinking about adopting, or interested in cleft related issues etc) please contact me first and let me know about it before you share the password.

I’ll probably be going private in about a week. Thanks to everyone who have been around and shared all this with me. It’s been fantastic!

Oh – and a special note to any readers in China, and Changzhou in particular– I would LOVE to have you continue to read. Please do make contact!

Grumpy Fairy Child

2009-04-05T12:54:00.001-04:00

Grandpa Frank and Granny Lynn's B-day present.

She put the whole outfit on as soon as she opened up.

But she'd just woken up from a nap - and was entirely too grumpy to be a particularly festive sprite.

And one of the boy and girl at the park for good measure.

Spring on the Swing

2009-04-05T11:53:00.001-04:00

Mad Scientist

2009-04-05T11:44:00.002-04:00

A Girl and Her Dog

2009-04-04T13:24:00.001-04:00

An Afternoon Nap

2009-04-03T22:55:00.001-04:00

Day 2 Birthday Celebration

2009-03-31T10:09:00.001-04:00

Happy Birthday Fang Fang!

2009-03-30T13:11:00.001-04:00

She's THREEEEEE!

Three Self Portraits at Nearly Three

2009-03-23T16:36:00.001-04:00

One Year

2009-02-18T14:15:00.001-05:00

When I first saw photos of FF, I felt the overwhelming joy that adoptive parents get to experience when they first lay eyes on their child’s face, I felt the relief that finally, finally, I could see who she was, I fell instantly in love with her beautiful image, and - I will admit - that I worried.

I thought about how fragile she looked, how sad, how vulnerable. In almost every photo there were tears pooled in her dark eyes and clinging to her long lashes, her skin was reddened around her nose and the corners of her eyes, her gaze seemed deeply serious, filled with longing. I couldn’t get to her fast enough, needed to hold her in my arms, comfort her - my fragile, fragile little baby girl.

My father, on the other hand, saw something different. “She looks strong,” he said. “I sense a very strong will.”

I shrugged this comment off as wishful thinking. What was he talking about? Couldn’t he see how she was suffering? Didn’t he know what she had gone through? This child seemed as delicate and wistful as gossamer. She needed to be held and protected, made to feel safe and comforted. She needed someone who would shield her from the things that frightened her, talk to her softly, hold her tight, make up for what she was missing. My dad, with all his talk about the resiliency of children, with his comments about her strength and will, just didn’t get it. He didn’t understand her.

A year later, a year to the day after we first met our daughter in the flesh, I say here, publicly, that my dad saw something in FF that I didn’t. That my dad was right. That my daughter is no delicate, wilting flower. As Spike said the other day, “You know when people call other people a baby and they mean it as an insult – like the person is weak or whiny? I think that if they knew Fang Fang, they wouldn’t use it that way. She is the bravest and strongest person I know.”

My dad was right. Her will is strong. Her aspect is joyful. And loving. A sense of humor pervades almost everything she does. She is loud. And rambunctious. And stubborn. And bright. And extremely competent in almost everything she tries. And fearless. And strong. So very strong. Physically, mentally, emotionally strong.

I don’t think we can take much credit for this. I mean, yes, FF has sucked up all the affection and cuddling and attention. She has gained weight and inches. Her skin glows, her hair is like silk, her body is all muscle and delicious pudge, she runs and talks and laughs and shouts – and that is a big and satisfying change from the first day we met her. But I think my dad was right, she was born with this will, probably born with this joy and curiosity, and we – we are just the lucky ones who get to experience it.

The day we met her, she was all silence and big eyes. She was watchful and careful, but not shut down. She rested in my arms, darted glances at my face, met my eyes with hers, accepted food and a bottle, fell asleep in her new father’s arms, and then slept against me all night. And the next morning, the day that I really expected her to grieve? She woke up and gave her baba the biggest, truest smile. And it only got better from there. By day three, I really think she saw us as her parents – she was laughing and playing with her brother, and dancing and exchanging kisses. She was holding us tight, napping against my chest, her heart to mine, gazing into our faces, unafraid to make that connection, and we could already see how joyful a child she was.

And I’m not saying that this was easy. I don’t think it was easy – not for us or, most especially - for her. She was scared. She had a lot to overcome. It’s no exaggeration to say that this child had gone through more in her first three years than I have in my entire life. There are things – things that she occasionally still does, or ways that she reacts to certain sounds or places, that stand to remind me of just how much she has gone through. So I don’t want to say that this was easy, because saying it was easy would be dismissing the awesomeness of what she has accomplished. But I won’t say it was hard, either. It was joyful. It was fun. It was full of moments of grace and tenderness. It was messy. Sometimes it was exhausting. It was transcendent. And I have her to thank for that. My lovely, sweet, strong willed daughter.

We are spending the first anniversary of our Family Day together. Ryan took the day off from work, Spike is on vacation from school, but he is actually recovering from the flu, so it won’t be quite as active or festive as we had initially planned. But we will bake a cake, talk about the day we all met, remember China and our first two weeks there. I will think about how lucky I am to have these children in my life. I will be grateful for the joy that my son and daughter take in each other. I will appreciate the way that these kids bring out the best in their father, the way that they bring Ryan and I together in this intimate and unbreakable way. I will reflect on the fact that I have more than I can hold in my hands – that I have as much as anyone could ask for, that, through some small moment of luck or grace or transcendence, I have been allowed to be witness to this family, these children, as they grow and bloom and make me laugh, and regularly take my breath away. I will feed them, play with them, and put them to bed tonight, probably referee a few quarrels, dry a few tears. We will watch the snow fall together. And I will think of that government office in Nanjing, where FF was first placed in my arms, and where the four of us first came together to be the family we are today.

Valentine's Day and (late) Chinese New Year

2009-02-16T19:22:00.001-05:00

It's been a busy February. Chinese New Year (Year of the Ox!) Valentine's Day, and in a couple of days, the anniversary of our first Family Day!

It's hard to believe it's been a year since we all first met and became a family.

A wonderful, crazy year with this wonderful, crazy (in the best possible sense) girl.

Her new camera smile. Eek.

We made some valentines. It started off innocently enough.

But give the girl some glitter...

Yeah, that's glitter on her chin.

And on the table...

And on her hand....

Spike's valentine for Dad.

And for FF.

The day after V-Day we joined our friends from Homeland Adoption Agency to celebrate the Year of the Ox

FF's dress is compliments of Miss Emme Lu, but FF remembered that she had a doll dress to match and insisted we pour her groovy gal (well, of course at first she wanted Fat Baby to wear it, but Miss Fat Baby has her name for a reason) into it.

Sharing some music on the way to the party.

It was a lovely party - we got to see so many people we love! Like FF's Changzhou sister Cate!

And hmmm...somehow we felt we knew this little girl from somewhere...

And Ady and Stacey and Brie! When I hugged Stacey, I felt like I could cry. It's always too long between visits.

I can't tell you how good it felt to see them all! The Shapiros were there, too. And we were all thinking about our upcoming family day and our time in China together. It was so great to see them!

This glamourpuss seems familiar as well...

I love these four together.

And of course, these three!

Happy Year of the Ox to all of you!

And happy Valentine's Day, too! I hope it was glittery and sweet.

A Sunday Afternoon With Fang Fang

2009-02-03T16:25:00.001-05:00

Let me set the scene. A lazy Sunday afternoon. It's cold and snowy outside. Inside, in the pale winter light, Baba is futilely trying to start a fire with some wet kindling, Mama is messing around with the camera in the dining room, Spike is upstairs talking to a friend on the phone, and FF has decided that since no one is actively entertaining her, she will have to make her own fun.

Hey, hey Daddy - can I see this hat?

You're not using it or anything, are you Baba?

What? Oh, did you want this?

Well, never mind with the hat - the dog looks bored. Let's see what happens when I do this. Do you think he likes this?

Ahem. Can you please control your child, please?

Ryan soothes his ruffled feathers.

In the meantime, FF finds something else to do. "Catch, Mama!"

Now throw it back!

Now you!

Now me!

Now you!

The camera gets handed to Baba, and Leroy interrupts our game.

Oh Leroy. You big lump of sugar, you!

Baba pauses to take pictures of his beautiful girl.

And his wife and dog.

And more of the girl.

Okay then, I've got another idea. This one involves both the hat AND the ball!

See, I put the ball in the hat...

And the hat on my head!

Et voila!

Okay, that's boring, Give me the camera, Mom.

I managed to get her to do some self portraits with me instead.

Like this Mom! Work it!

You need to bring your face to the light, Mama.

To the light!

Okay, I'm tired of this. You are totally not fierce. Give me the camera, Mom. I'll show you how it's done.

Oh, wait, never mind the camera. What's this I have? A hair? A nice, long hair just perfect for...

flossing my teeth!

Like this, see? (I know this is kind of gross. And I probably should have stopped her. But it was also a teeny bit hilarious so...)

I can't...quite...get...it..in... there...

And now, for some reason, I have a hair in my mouth, Mom!

Mom? A hair? In my mouth?

A little help, please?

Wait, wait... I almost... have it...

Okay - there!

Enough with hair floss! Dad! What are you doing! I have more grooming that needs to be done!

On the telephone, Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad? Dad?

Yes?

See this? Really - it's been so long since I've had a manicure! Can you do something about this? (Seriously, she was asking to have her nails trimmed).

And Baba, being ever obliging, and having given up on his wet kindling,

carries her off to find the nail clippers.

And curtain.

The End.

Baby Soup

2009-02-01T13:11:00.003-05:00

She'd be delicious, right? Plump and sweet!

"Excuse me?"

"Maybe I'll just get out before you get any weird ideas, Mama."

Working with clay.

Ryan puts her to bed every night. Most nights he never makes it back out.

"What are you doing, Maia?"

Shhh, nothing, honey! Go back to sleep...

Spike recently starred in a play at school. He was required to dress up, so FF put on some fancy clothes, too. Note that she is showing you the cool lining in her cool skirt. (Thank you Linda and Emme Lu!).

After the play.

Meet the newest member of the family! Leroy!

As you can see, he is terrible with kids.

Just terrible.

She doesn't just sleep on Baba....

There are many willing pillows in the house...

Green Couch Series #2

2009-01-25T23:02:00.001-05:00

A Girl's Best Friend

2009-01-22T00:25:00.001-05:00

When we first met her, Sammy was a six year old rescued Rottweiler in need of a permanent home. The kind of dog that, on paper, maybe not that many people would feel safe about bringing in to meet their kids and other pets.

And in that case? Their loss. Because Samantha was easily the sweetest, best natured, most kind and patient dog I have ever known.

She never gave me one moment's worry. I knew that she would tolerate every kind of toddler hugging and grabbing and riding and climbing. That FF could stretch out and lay on her like a pillow (and often did). That no matter how wildly the children around her were acting- she would always keep her cool. She was a nearly perfect dog.

I am so grateful that Sammy was the dog that introduced my daughter to dogs. I know that even if FF doesn't remember Sammy over time, my daughter will always be comfortable around dogs, know them as loveable beings, because of the first year home she spent with this trustworthy good friend with such a soft, great heart.

Spike will always remember Sammy. Down the line she'll be in his dreams as the dog who curled up on his bed, affectionately leaned against him, ate his scraps under the table, sprawled out in the hammock with him, showed him that the best kind of dog is all about love.

And I will remember her as my constant companion and shadow. The dog I could let off leash to run alongside me in the forest, knowing that one word from me would bring her back to my side. The dog that followed me from room to room, leaned against my legs, placed her beautiful head under the palm of my hand. The dog that I never worried about. The dog who I always introduced by saying, as she rushed up to greet some new person, "Don't worry, she's totally friendly!"

Sweet, sweet girl with your immeasurably great and loyal heart.

We were so lucky to have you.

And we will miss you so much.

Thank you for being the best dog.

A Girl's Best Friend

2009-01-21T23:26:00.001-05:00

And in that case? Their loss. Because Samantha was easily the sweetest, best natured, most kind and patient dog I have ever known.

Sweet, sweet girl with your immeasurably great and loyal heart.

We were so lucky to have you.

And we will miss you so much.

Thank you for being the best dog.

Bright Spots on a Cold Snowy Day

2009-01-15T17:38:00.001-05:00

Since I took most of these today, they are a bit of a leap in time from the last set of pictures, but they were so sweet, I thought I'd share them right away.

It's cold here. Freezing. And there is a lot of snow on the ground. And as much as I like the extreme seasons we have here - I have to admit that there's a little Oregonian girl in me that always thinks of this time of year as the beginning of spring. It's not. We have months of cold and snow to go. But I've really started to crave that early,tender, electric green of fresh shoots and unfurling leaves that I bet is already showing up in Eugene, but isn't going to be here in NY for a long, long time. And I really realized how much I'm craving that spring color when we changed out the slipcover on our couch- and I immediately started to take all our pictures in front of it. I get a happy hopeful little thrill every time I glimpse that delicious color- and all the better when I can stick a kid or two in front of (or on) it.

FF dragged her little chairs into the playroom the other day for her dolls.

She was also willing to wear her hair up - for a very brief moment in time.

Her babies. The one on the left is named Fat Baby. And FF loves her Fat Baby above all other toys.

Note that the hair is down.

Piggyback rides this morning.

Oh my does she love her brother.

And her brother loves FF.

These two just absolutely slay me these days. They have so much fun together, and they are so sweet on each other. FF spends all her time trailing Spike wherever he goes - and asking where he is when he's not here. And Spike is so tolerant and good with her. I'm really just choked up like fifty times a day by the way they are together.

Waiting for the bus on the stairs this morning. If Spike does it - FF is sure to imitate. (Yes, L, that is the box you gave me. Note that it is slowly migrating to my bedroom...)

Afternoon nap on the green couch.

Delicious little cheeks.

Yes. Her eyelashes are really that long.

Hibernation is a good way to get through a cold, cold day.

Stay warm!

Christmas

2009-01-13T12:24:00.001-05:00

Before xmas could come, there were a few things we had to do. Like play in the giant box that some of our presents arrived in...

I'm not sure if she will like the actual presents more than she loved this box.

We also had to make cookies. And lick the beater.

Spike absconded with the bowl.

Ryan and Spike being Norwegian and making Spritz cookies with the cookie press.

FF and Maia did the decorating. Sprinkles are paramount to their success.

Cake and Bampa sent matching Xmas aprons. FF made me wear mine for like three days straight.

Xmas Eve is finally here! Time to go to the Woodstock Town Square!

Every year, Santa arrives in Woodstock in a different way. Once he was shot out of a cannon, another time he came on a skateboard ramp, another year he arrived in a UFO dangling from a crane. A big crowd gathers Xmas eve to see how it will happen this year! (And every year we take terrible pictures that never turn out).

Is that...?

I SEE HIM!

SANTA!

Um. Yeah. That red and white blur is him. He was gettin' down. He came with a country band this year - pulled by horses in a carriage. It was rockin'. We were amazed by how excited FF was when she saw him. We had been telling her about him, but hadn't really thought it had exactly sunk in - but as soon as she caught sight of him - she went totally ballistic - yelling "Saaaaaaaaaantaaaa! Saaaaaaaantaaaaaaa!" like he was the lead singer of Ratt.

Back home after Woodstock, where Auntie G helps open gifts from Wicked Grandma and Granzak.

Xmas Eve Pajamas!

The totally adorable result!

Gina and I co-opted the ribbon.

FF was willing to go with it. But not wear the ribbon herself.

Time to write letters to Santa!

We're not sure what FF's said - but she got right into the spirit of things!

You have to think hard about what you want to say to Santa.

Checking out Santa's special (Margarita) glass. (We fill it with eggnog. Don't want Santa to sleigh drive under the influence!).

Another tradition - Baba reads The Night Before Christmas.

And this year, Spike read FF The Polar Express.

Family Portrait.

Xmas morning is here! Quick Dad, change her diaper!

First look at the tree.

Opening the stocking!

The loot!

Guitar!

Me too! Guitar for me, too!

Later that night Molly asked FF what her favorite gift had been, and without hesitating she yelled GUITAR!

Spike spies something out the window and runs out in the snow in his PJ's.

Could it be?

Oh My Gosh! Santa lost his hat!

Opening her first gift. She knew just what to do.

A back pack?? Aw, you guys shouldn't have!

Gabba Marilyn sent her own childhood doll and doll bed. SO sweet! FF loooved it.

She especially loved that the eyes could open and close.

Putting her dollies to bed.

Ryan models one of his gifts from Cake and Bampa.

This is Spike's Wii face. The very last present he found. Santa truly came through.

Trying it out!

Later that night, we went over to spend Xmas dinner with the Parker-Myers. Spike and Hazel spent a lot of time opening xmas crackers and eating cookies.

FF wore her fancy dress. With petticoats!

The babies had their own table! So great that the Changzhou girls spent a little bit of the holiday together!

Cookies. There were lots and lots of cookies consumed.

Then they danced it all out! (Yes, FF took off her dress. Nothing new there).

It was a lovely, warm and wonderful holiday- I couldn't help but think about the fact that last year at this time, we were still waiting to travel to get our girl. We were worried about the strange snows in Changzhou, wondering if she was warm enough, dying to have her here with us. And this year? We simply could not have asked for more.

Birthday Through Xmas Eve

2009-01-12T01:01:00.001-05:00

Don't look at me like that. I know. I suck. It's been forever.

All apologies for being absent for so long. So much going on. So many pictures, and every time I started to think about trying to catch up on everything I've missed... I just went back to Facebook. But here's a start - a series starting from Spike's birthday back in early December, right up to Dec. 23rd. The next series will take us through xmas and new year's and whatever else has been happening around here. And then I will do my best to post weekly again. I swear.

Early in December we took a little trip into Manhattan and checked out the Macy's windows.

And introduced FF to the Museum of Natural History.

Spike turned nine and we threw him a Snake Party

complete with a Reptile Guy.

And possibly Ryan's best birthday cake creation ever- the five foot long snake cake.

There were snakes, real snakes, galore.

FF looooved it.

As did the birthday boy.

The weekend after Spike's birthday it is traditional for us to go pick out our xmas tree at the tree farm just around the corner from us.

FF was a little confused, but game.

We found the perfect tree, and took the tractor back down the hill to pay.

Then we decorated it.

Again, FF was totally game, though probably a bit puzzled.

Putting on the star!

Not long after we got the tree decorated, we got our first snowfall.

Spike attempted snow angels.

FF thought snow was basically great for eating. And not much else.

Not long after that, we got even more snow.

I walked outside to find that a steady drift had accumulated on my daughter. But don't worry- she was still warm enough!

Sammy had a good time, too.

I promise, there will be more to come soon. Santa in Woodstock! Xmas Eve! Xmas Morning! New Years! My birthday! An actual update on FF since we are almost to the one year mark since we first met her! The fun never ends! But just know, we are doing beautifully. FF and Spike loved the holidays. The snow keeps coming down. And I am feeling awfully grateful for everything we have.

Hope y'all are keeping warm.

The Holidays Begin

2008-12-03T18:13:00.001-05:00

We're always ridiculously busy this time of year. Spike's birthday comes right after Thanksgiving, and then, before I can blink, it's Xmas! And this year it's been even busier than usual since Auntie G had her gallbladder removed and came up here to recover the week before T-day. Plus, we managed to misplace our USB cable and haven't been able to download photos for quite some time - so put all that together and you've got a mother load of pictures and yet another light on the writing blog post.

Ryan made home made cinnamon rolls the day after Thanksgiving.

Spike's old hat.

If Fluffy can do it...

I can climb one, too! (She really felt this way. She absolutely tried to RUN up that tree.)

Taking Fat Baby (her doll) for a little stroll outside.

Loving Mab.

Having some tea.

These two are awesome together lately. Their relationship only gets tighter and tighter.

At Spike's school for a little pre-T-day celebration.

The aunties come for Thanksgiving. FF is reading Vogue with them.

Smothered with Auntie love.

Our friend Johnny comes to T-day every year. This was the first time he met FF. She liked him much more than this photo suggests.

In fact, as soon as he broke out his clarinet, FF thought he was damned cool. (Spike tends to have the same reaction. As evidenced from the previous video, Johnny can play almost anything by ear on his clarinet. Last time he was here he was playing Iron Man for Spike. It's good to know professional musicians.)

Johnny also brought Spike a week of fake moustaches, which Spike totally LOVED - and which freaked me out because I know it's only a matter of time before Spike grows some real facial hair.

Thanksgiving morning! Time to get cooking! FF loves to sift flour.

And roll out pie crust.

Auntie Ren and Fat Baby - by FF

Spike by FF

Sammy by FF

Baba by FF

Mama by FF

The Aunties - not by FF.

Auntie Ren is doing her best to indoctrinate FF into loving ramen as much as she does.

It might have worked...

Auntie Ren and Spike play their traditional game of Uno.

Spike's birthday morning!

Hope everyone had a great holiday weekend. I've been thinking a lot about where we were at this time last year - - just waiting to hear when we were going to get to China and finally meet our girl in person. Today I was driving and thinking about the first time I ever saw FF's little face - those sweet, sad pictures of her in her crib - and how much I suffered waiting to finally get to her and hold her and kiss her sweet little face in person. And now she's here - climbing on everything, getting into constant mischief, ruling the household with her saucy baby ways, making us laugh a thousand times a day... and I'm so grateful for that. I'm so grateful for both of my beautiful children.

I took FF to the mall the other day, and as I was carrying her around, she kept lifting her tiny little hand and laying it onto a bare patch of skin on my chest - just above my heart - and it just felt... like she was touching me with so much possession and tenderness - like she was trying to express the relationship between us - the love and connection between mother and daughter. And I was so moved by this gesture. Loving her, being her mother, truly is a transcendent experience. She is a child with so much heart.

For all those who are tormented by toddlers demanding their Feist

2008-12-02T23:55:00.001-05:00

Happy Birthday Spikey!

2008-12-02T14:06:00.001-05:00

I cannot believe he's nine.

He is the best son and big brother I know.

More Pictures! Less Words!

2008-11-11T19:36:00.001-05:00

I've been planning on doing some decent, meaty writing about what the little girl is up to these days - a check in - a state of the union, if you will. Plus I haven't forgotten that long ago promised post about parenting both adopted and bio kids - - but this last week has been all kinds of insane. The Norfolk Flu hit the house (and fifty other houses at Spike's school!) last Tuesday - and we've been going down like dizzy, puking flies ever since. So far, I'm the only one left standing - and believe me when I tell you that I'm quaking in my proverbial boots. So, I'll just have to plaster up another mostly pictures post and leave it at that for now. Enjoy the Baby Candy!

At the Pumpkin Patch

Watching Signing Time with Cake and her dolls.

Which one isn't a doll? (Sorry, couldn't resist).

Auntie Ren comes to visit!

FF models the Cuba hat that Auntie Ren brought back for Spike.

Decorated for Halloween - thanks to Bampa and Cake.

Little Red Coat.

She loooooves pickles.

She's also become very proficient with scissors.

What would we do without the swing?

These two have become so close lately.

My children might well be dorks.

But they are extremely cute ones!

American

2008-11-05T09:39:00.002-05:00

My whole life, I have often felt lucky and grateful to be an American, but never very proud. I often feel like America is my bully older brother - someone who I love, and maybe keeps me relatively safe, but whom I'm slightly distrustful of because I see how mean he can be to other people. I am apt to describe myself as an Oregonian or a New Yorker - but rarely as an American. Chants of "U.S.A! U.S.A!" give me the cold shivers in an unpleasantly nationalistic way. And the American flag has always been suspect to me - -something that I often felt like belonged to them - not me or mine.

But this morning I woke up fairly certain that an African American man named Barack Hussein Obama was going to be elected as our next president. That the America I have always longed for but never really believed in would finally make its presence known. That we would finally live up to our potential. And I finally had that moment - that "This could only happen here, in America," moment.

And so, my husband and I, we took our children to the polling station.

And I held my daughter, herself a new American, as I entered the voting booth, and I put her hand on the lever, and I wept as we pulled it for this great man.

And later, in the dark of our living room, with our children sleeping on either side of us, I sat with my husband and I wept again as I listened to President Elect Obama make his incredible speech, as I saw the unadulterated joy and hope on all those people's faces in the crowd. And I thought about what this will mean for my children, I thought about how this honestly changes everything. And I was proud. Proud to be American. Truly proud of America, without hesitation. Maybe for the first time in my life.

Happy Halloween 2008!

2008-10-31T23:35:00.001-04:00

FF was a bat. Spike a "Screaming Wraith". I was a Green Witch. And Ryan was a vampire. We met up with friends in New Paltz, did a little trick or treating, observed and then joined the awesome parade, walked through the Haunted Park, did a little more trick or treating, and then took three (Spike's buddy Matt came home to spend the night) sugared up kids home.

Molly and I did not plan our costumes together. This was merely a lucky coincidence.

As was this!

Molly MADE Hazel's awesome alligator costume.

Guess which one is Spike?

We also met up with the Warrens. This is Mattison under that scary costume.

First time trick or treating EVER! She got pretzels. But she didn't mind.

FF thought that every single piece of candy she was given should be opened and eaten on the spot.

Watching the parade. Then the battery in the camera died, sadly.

So, anyway - FF LOVED her first Halloween - from the moment she and I got back from the store this afternoon and she saw her dad and brother fully made up and "Scary!" (she loves to sign Scary!) to seeing her beloved Flora and Hazel in their costumes, to checking out the amazing costumes in New Paltz, to getting candy everywhere she went (she was really, really into this idea) to the last few moments when I had to drag her into the car while she was screaming at full volume because she did NOT want to leave -- I think we can judge this holiday to be a major success. I can't count the times that she signed "I like it!" It was a great night!

Happy Halloween!!!!

Bampa, Cake, Cake, Dolls, and Leaves

2008-10-21T10:19:00.001-04:00

These last couple of weeks have been busy. Ryan had his birthday, Gina moved into the city, we had visitors from the Hamptons, the fall foliage peaked, and Ryan's folks came out to meet FF for the first time. Here are a kajillion pictures. Enjoy!

But first - there were faces to be made.

And some crazy hair.

The leaves are so beautiful right now. We've been taking lots of walks.

FF has been quite charmed by her Bampa and Cake.

And I think they like her, too.

FF loves throwing leaves.

She didn't want to walk anymore- just throw leaves.

Lately I've been driving the back roads in the afternoon, because it's an easy way to get FF to take her nap. The other day, Ryan and I discovered a new trail only fifteen minutes from our house, Louisa Pond. It only took us eight years to find it.

So we brought everyone over to take a look.

And everyone approved.

We've also been spending time on various playgrounds.

FF has recently learned to jump with both feet off the ground. Here's Cake helping her master the art of jumping down the stairs.

FF has been playing with the camera lately. She's taken some good pictures - and she thinks that touching the lens with sticky fingers creates some really cool effects.

Baba had a birthday. And a morning birthday coffee cake.

Cake and Bampa made him a giant bowl of caramel corn for his evening cake. FF approved.

And helped Baba open his presents.

And try them out!

As I mentioned before, FF has started using the camera. And she's taking some pretty good pictures. Here is a portrait of two of her dolls - an old favorite (on the left) and an amazing new one (on the right) that our awesome visitors brought for her. Somehow we managed to take no good pictures of our visitors while they were here - but this HAND MADE doll is proof that they visited. Everyone I show this doll to starts gushing and reminiscing about their own beloved childhood dolls. I know it will be an FF favorite.

Portraits of Mama and Baba by FF.

Waiting for Spike's school bus on the front porch.

And here's FF signing O for Obama! Don't forget to vote!

October 11

2008-10-12T00:25:00.001-04:00

So, in almost every way, this was a perfectly normal Saturday for us. We got up this morning, had a little breakfast, and then cleaned up the kitchen. It was warm and sunny outside, a gorgeous fall day. Spike had a play date with a friend. Ryan and FF did a little leaf raking and then mowed the lawn together (she wore earplugs) probably the last time the grass will need cutting before it dies back in the cold weather. I hashed out the beginning of a new script idea with my writing partner over the phone. Ryan and FF did some grocery shopping. We had guests coming for dinner, so we cleaned up the house and cooked. We had a nice dinner, the kids stayed up late, and then took baths and went to bed. The house is quiet now. It was good day. A fairly normal day.

And yet, it wasn’t. Because two years ago today, FF was found, alone, in a marketplace in China. Two years ago today, my girl lost everyone she ever knew. Two years ago today, her life was completely and irrevocably changed. And so, underneath all the bustle of the day, I kept thinking about that. I kept thinking of them. FF’s First Family. Certain that they were undoubtedly thinking of her. And I kept thinking of her -my baby - alone and scared and confused and panicked and heartbroken. And when I looked at her today, I looked so carefully – wondering if, on some visceral level, she felt the loss of this day. And while I can’t say that she seemed any different than her usual self, I know that, for me, every time I held her, I pulled her just a little closer than usual. That I dipped my face into her hair, inhaled her sweet baby smell, and held back tears more than once.

And my heart ached, thinking of how much she has lost, and of the people who have lost her. And if I could have just one wish today – if I could have had anything in the world - it would have been the ability to show her to her First Family. Show them their daughter; happy, healthy, thriving and beautiful. Show them their daughter, safe, and beloved beyond measure.

Apple Picking

2008-09-29T12:29:00.001-04:00

Around here, autumn just isn't autumn unless some apples are picked. So last weekend we invited up our friends and travel mates in China, the Shapiros, to come up to pick with us. Then we thought we'd get a little reunion together, so we convinced the Roths and the Parker-Myers to come along as well (not that the Parker-Myers were too hard to convince, they live about five minutes from the apple orchard).

First the Shapiros arrived for lunch. And Franny and FF got to play together, while Spike and Alex happily disappeared up to Spike's room to catch up. The adults sat around the table and did our own catching up. It was incredible to see how big Franny has grown! And I know that the Shapiros were equally as amazed by the changes FF has gone through since the last time we saw them. There will be always be this special bond between our families.

After lunch, we all caravanned over to the apple orchard, where we met up with the Parker-Myers and Roths. FF fell asleep on the way there.

Spike and Alex led the way. Spike goes to this orchard every year with his school, so he knew where he was going.

We were a big crowd.

Spike, Adyson and Brie.

FF still not awake.

FF finally woke up, and got to see Stacy!

Spike checking out the trees.

FF did not seem phased at all when she realized that apples actually DO grow on trees.

In fact, she got right down to work.

Reward!

FF and Ady examining rocks together. Ady is always so sweet with FF.

Beautiful Brie!

Taking a break on Baba's lap.

The Shapiro kids join in.

Wait! Wait for me!

And me!

At some point, Franny decided she was too hot.

And as soon as FF saw that another baby was disrobing, she was insistent that she join her.

It was a warm day. I'll give them that.

After apple picking, the Shapiros had to get home, but the rest of us descended on the Parker-Myers for some pizza and beer.

Spike was really taken with Brie.

And I think the feeling was mutual.

Fall is really here.

Hope you're enjoying it as much as we are!

Frogs, Rocks, Raspberries and Roses

2008-09-18T17:17:00.001-04:00

Early fall here is so incredibly gorgeous. The leaves are starting to turn, and circle lazily down to the ground in the cool breeze, the light is thick and golden, the roses are giving us one last show, the asters are opening dark and hazy purples and pinks, the tomatoes and autumn bearing raspberries give us something to gather every time we are in the garden, the crickets are huge and doing their best song - trying to live as much as they can before the frost. The kids wander from slide to swing, raspberry canes to frog pond, picking up leaves and smelling the last of the flowers.

Sunday was the Autumn Moon Festival. We celebrated with long noodles in homemade broth (alas, no moon cakes this year) and sat around the table telling our life stories, then the four of stood in the backyard and sang to the yellow hazy moon.

Wearing and signing "boots".

Lately FF has shown deep affection for rocks. The bigger, the better. She will sit by a stone and stroke it, happily signing, "I like" and admiring it's very...rockitude.

Spike watching Michael Jackson's "Beat it" video for the first time ever. He was totally blown away.

She loves this coat and would wear it with everything if I would let her.

We have started a parent/kid dance class with Spike's dance teacher Jessie, at Barefoot Dance Studio. I'm fairly certain that FF would enjoy any dance class, but Jessie has a special gift with kids - there is something bright and warm about her that transfers her love of dance to the children she works with. Spike has been dancing with her since he was three, and it thrills me to see FF step into the studio as well. I dance with her since it is a parent/child class- and while I am definitively no dancer - it is easy to forget that when I am looking into my daughter's ecstatic face as she moves across the floor and imitates every move Jessie throws her way. I get a lump in my throat, thinking about the fact that she was hardly crawling when I met her seven months ago, and now she is balancing on one foot, doing her best to leap into the air, smiling her lovely moon faced smile and signing, "More! More dancing!"

When she helps with dishes she REALLY gets into it.

Yes. That's the potty. Don't worry. It was clean.

Her sign for "phone" - as in "give me the phone you are talking on!"

Third Grade, Bike, Slide, Jig

2008-09-05T21:39:00.007-04:00

Spike started third grade yesterday. I don't understand how this happened. Wasn't it just the first day of summer? In fact, didn't I just give birth to the boy like, yesterday?

Well, maybe not...yesterday....

After Spike triumphantly conquered his bike, Ryan took both the kids down to the nearest school parking lot (think lots of flat, smooth, pavement) where FF broke out her own wheels.

FF spent some of the time on her bike, but mainly she spent her time madly racing on foot after Spike on his bike (please take note of helmet).

I can see the gears clicking away in her little brain - Hell yeah! If Spike can do it - so can I! Gimme that thing!"

"Hey, you done with that? Can I use it now?"

A live action version of the bike chase:

Then they spent some time on the slide.

At first Spike helped FF down...

But she was doing it herself in no time at all. That's the main thing with her these days - doing it herself. She wants to put on and (mainly) remove her clothes. And diaper. And speaking of diapers, taking off the diaper is okay because she is actually starting to potty train! I bought her a little potty a while ago, you know, for what I imagined would be the distant future, and then a few weeks ago she sat right down on that thing and used it exactly for what it was meant to be used for! Since then, she signs "potty" (a raised fist shaken in the air) to me two million times a day. Usually it's just a ploy to get out of her diaper and be completely naked (She is really, really into a nudist stage right now) but sometimes she actually uses it. And sometimes she...misses. But I'm not complaining. She is very young to be doing this at all, I think. She must be a genius!

FF has a particularly charming little dance she does lately (notice her attempt to remove her clothing at the end - we have, at least, managed to convince her that clothes are not optional in public places. So far).

Spike learned to ride his bike!

2008-09-03T21:11:00.003-04:00

Stone Fruit, Starry Skies, Speech, September

2008-08-31T14:57:00.001-04:00

Another version of her, "Just oooooone more" look. Two fingered this time.

We've been calling FF "The Hype Man" lately. Suddenly her speech has exploded and she's in that stage where she repeats anything you say to her. Not always clearly, but with great passion and volume. She'll do this any chance she gets, and she was a great audience watching the speeches during the DNC. Obama stood up there and gave his amazing speech and FF sat in our living room, shouting at the TV, repeating random things back at him, "HOPE! NO! WOMAN! ENOUGH!" So it was Ren who finally said that she sounds like the guy on a rap song who stands in the back and goes, "YEAH! UHN! YEAH!" "The Hype Man", said Gina. "She's a little hype man."

We spent an evening with the Parker-Meyers recently. It was magic. This time of year, the very end of summer, is so beautiful around here, and the Parker-Meyers have the most beautiful house on the most ridiculously gorgeous piece of land. We all sat at their stone table by their stream, ate wonderful food, drank sparkling wine, and watched the kids run around in the warm night.

Spike and FF's relationship is so close and warm now. She loves playing with him, he picks her up and carries her around with total competence, they make each other laugh hysterically. It is everything I hoped for both of them.

Signing "kitty" because the cat was at the window and she wanted me to let him in.

I hadn't tried this dress on her before because it seemed vaguely faux hippie-ish, but when we put it on this morning - oh, I had to take a million pictures. She looked so beautiful in it. And suddenly it looked less like a little wanna be hippie dress, and more like a crazy quilt.

I love crazy quilts.

Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him well!

Yes. We'll be getting her into dance classes soon.

End of Summer

2008-08-24T21:01:00.001-04:00

Just a few pictures from the last week or so. Spike stuck his head out the back door a few nights ago and said, "Mom! I can smell the frost!" And he was right. It didn't frost, but it definitely smelled like fall is here.

It was actually cold enough for her to wear a sweater. Briefly.

We dragged out Spike's old rocking horse - named Guinea Hen. She loves it. And, actually, so does Spike!

Gina cut her bangs. She looks like an entirely different kid.

Chinese Lion Hat

Gina and Jason couldn't resist putting them on either.

This is the way she says, "Ooooone more!" Note the extended finger. Sometimes she uses two. And of course, by "one more" she means, "Over and over and again until I get bored and decide I want something else!"

Starfish hand.

Six Months

2008-08-19T02:16:00.001-04:00

Today marks six months since we first met Fang Fang.

Looking back over the photos from that day - my heart aches - she was so tiny, so scared, she seemed so vulnerable and fragile. And yet - looking over the pictures, I can also see that, even on the bus on the way back to the hotel, she had a few small smiles for us. Even on a day when surely nothing made sense to her, when her whole world was turned upside down - her spirit was shining through. She is truly the most remarkable child. We only fall deeper in love with her every day.

Back To Normal

2008-08-16T01:02:00.001-04:00

Sorry it's been a while since I've posted. I keep feeling like I've been incredibly busy the last couple of weeks, but really, I've just been settling back into our old routines - pre-operative - and trying to get strong and back on my feet and normal again. Thanks to the patient and loving attention from her Baba and Auntie G, FF seems to have weathered my poor health pretty well. She definitely didn't like me being in bed (or not able to pick her up for 2 weeks straight) but once I was up and around and feeling okay again, she seemed pretty willing to let bygones be bygones.

Note the pointed toe.

I know I've said this before, but Gina was an absolute life saver - taking on way more than she bargained for when she agreed to come and help me through this summer. I don't think any of us knew how long recovery from this surgery was really going to take - and I don't know what I would have done without her. I am, I have to admit, a little worried about when she goes back to grad school this fall, and moves back into the city. Not just for me (because I have learned to treasure the work I can get done in just a few hours every day while she's off with the kids, and because she's a hilarious and easy person to have around) but for Spike and Fang Fang as well. They are awfully attached to their Auntie G. We have been lucky to have so much of her this summer.

Auntie G teaching Spike to Salsa dance.

Of course, FF decided she needed to learn as well.

Spike is back in school in two weeks, and I think that FF will really miss having him around too. Especially these last few weeks, when our social calendar has been necessarily empty because I couldn't get around much, Spike and Fang Fang have started playing together so beautifully. FF seems to have finally realized that her brother makes an excellent playmate, and Spike has become truly confident in his role as big brother. He really just loves her so much. I am starting to feel the conspiracy of siblings when I look at them together. I know that soon enough Ryan and I will probably be living in a Us versus Them world - and I look forward to it in a way. I love seeing how this bond, which was slower to form than FF's relationship with me and Ryan, is starting to grow so strong.

So, we're doing what we can to enjoy our last couple of weeks of summer. It's been beautiful - filled with glorious thunderstorms and cool, bright days. We're still eating blackberries, tomatoes and peaches out of the garden. Everyone (except poor Ryan) sleeps in late. FF has started to refuse to wear any clothes but her diaper (and she figured out how to get that off today, too, unfortunately). Every day the kids go out together to count how many frogs are living in our little whiskey barrel pond (the number changes with every rainstorm), every night we listen to the cicadas as they turn their volume down a little bit more. We're on the cusp of change again - but then, I feel like we've been balancing on that particular edge for quite some time - and it's become a place I know well. Maybe it's starting to feel like home.

Still Life With Baby (or, She Loves Hanging Around In That Trough)

2008-08-05T01:53:00.001-04:00

Turn of Season

2008-08-03T21:39:00.002-04:00

I have resisted the idea that summer is slipping away. People keep talking about the summer ending, and I protest, saying that it is only the very earliest part of August! We are still in the middle of the dog days! Maybe it’s because I’ve spent the last two weeks ensconced inside – lying around in bed like some dizzy Camille with a sexy cotton ball in her ear – but every time I hear that summer is on the wane, I rouse myself just enough to weakly shake my fist and say otherwise.

But when I wandered outside today, I could see - it’s true – the light is changing. Autumn is on its way. The fall light around here is golden - more slanted, if that makes any sense. It seems to hang in the air, full of pollen and the promise that things will change soon; a rime of frost will kiss the green, the leaves will turn, and another summer will slide on by. The trees are thinning, just a little – no longer the heavy jungle thickness that they reach when summer is at its very height. The cicadas are still singing, but their voices are growing gradually weaker. The fireflies are all but gone. The mosquitoes have lost their ferocity. The air is thinner and lighter– not so hot or humid – just a kiss of coolness in it. We pull the comforter up at night, the baby cuddles closer into my arms as we sleep, lays her cheek against my chest. The light is changing. Fall is almost here.

The raspberries are done, and the blackberries have come to take their place. We have polite, thornless canes that I actually had to plant once upon a time, nothing like the thorn clotted, house eating Himalayan Blackberries that choked the roads and pastures in Oregon where I grew up. They might be Fang Fang’s favorite fruit (though her brother prefers the raspberries by far), she happily stands in the grass, grabbing handful upon handful, and gorges upon them.

My garden, ignored this year like never before, is a wilderness. Eight foot weeds feeding on my good soil, standing toe to toe with the meeker daisies, lilies, and coneflowers. Morning Glory vines winding and choking all my roses. The beautiful, wicked purple flowers of the thistles and loosestrife rampantly blooming, in disbelief at their luck – taking full advantage of my weakened and harried state. I know I’ll pay next year – have to root out untold amounts of invasive plants if I want anything but loosestrife, thistle, knotweed, millet and poke – but for now, I have given up. I’m still too dizzy, too weak, to think about taking things in hand. So I sit and contemplate the wild beauty of neglect, ask Ryan to mow paths between the knotted beds, and watch my children duck in and out of the tangles of plant life.

But it’s strange, because, though I like summer, I love autumn. It is my favorite time of year by a mile. And normally by this time of year, I am willing it along, wishing it would get here faster. But instead? Here I am feeling resistant to its approach, trying to hold it at bay. And I’d begun to wonder, why have I been holding onto summer so tightly?

But then I woke this morning with a catch in my throat. I woke this morning thinking about the fact that, when summer is over, when August is gone, our daughter will have spent as much time with us as she did with her First Family. Seven short months. Seven months which hold an entire life time for both families- first and second. And it seems fitting that this particular milestone will pass with the change of season. That the air will grow chill, and the flowers start to die, because I am certain that her family, if they do not already think of her with every day that passes, will be immersed in the anniversary of their loss.

I know this, because she was found in the fall. In a mid-October market almost two years ago. The one firm date we have. I don’t know her true birthday. But I do know the day that she was laid down and left to be found.

And because I know this child now, because I am certain that I now know her as well as they knew her then, I know that they are thinking of her. I know that they could not have possibly forgotten her beautiful eyes, her amazing gurgle of a laugh, her throaty little voice, her funny, mischievous ways, the sweetness of her soul. I know this as truly as I know anything – to know her is to love her. To lose her is unimaginable. To lose her is to mourn.

I think that when she first came to us, I thought more about her time in the SWI. I attributed her affectionate nature - the strength of her ability to bond - to the care she received there. But lately I have been thinking otherwise. Lately, I’ve been thinking that her time in the SWI, as well intentioned as it might have been, is something to overcome, not to be grateful for… No, that’s not exactly right. Of course I am grateful for it. I am grateful she came to us alive, and fairly healthy, that she was cared for and perhaps even loved enough, to be passed into our arms. Of course, I am grateful for that. But I don’t think it shaped the best angels of her nature. I think she has something inherent; a strong will, a beautiful soul, something she was born with. But I also think that those first seven months – whatever else happened – someone: her mother, her father, a grandmother – maybe all of them or more – someone loved her fiercely. Cared for her with unsurpassed tenderness. Helped to create the funny, happy nature that we now love. Taught her to trust, and to give and receive affection. And I am equally certain that someone’s heart shattered when they became desperate enough to set her down and walk away.

I know we’re not supposed to speculate like this. I know that it’s unfair and dangerous to romanticize, to make up stories, fill in gaps. I know we are only supposed to give voice to what is concrete. But the season is turning. The time of this loss is coming soon. And as the light changes, as the summer starts to die back, more and more often, I catch myself watching my daughter, breathless at her beauty, choked by my love for her, so grateful for the strange, unlikely chain of events that brought her here- across the world – into my garden, into our lives - the spooky luck that placed her into my arms and care . And, at the same time, feeling the weight of what happened before, the unendurable loss of those who knew and loved her first, the certainty that autumn, which has always marked a time of change, hope, and renewal for me, is also an anniversary of unimaginable grief for my counterpart across the world. As the season changes, I will think of that shadow family, I will be infinitely grateful to them for the little girl I hold so tightly, and I will feel the passing of summer a little more than I ever have before.

A Short Vignette About Hair

2008-08-02T22:10:00.002-04:00

"Hey, Baba! Did you see Auntie Gina????

"I have some fancy hair, too, now!" (It's finally long enough to do little pigtails).

"Is that really how it's supposed to look?"

And just for good measure, here's one of her stepping on her sleeping brother's head. (He decided he wanted to sleep on the floor).

Thank Maude For SIsters

2008-07-29T21:11:00.001-04:00

Mom's still stuck on the couch. But the kids are all out having fun.

Welcome to the Dance Party

2008-07-27T21:20:00.001-04:00

I'm still recovering.

Gina Washing my Face Two Days Pre-Op. She braids my hair, too. She's a good sister.

But the rest of the household continues to party on. Here they are at our friends' little creek, hunting for catch and release Crawdads.

Their stream is FULL of crawdads.

And here they are having a dance party. I watched from the couch.

So, I'm not the only dizzy one around here lately.

A Little Update on the Ear Thing

2008-07-24T21:44:00.006-04:00

Go hear (ha ha pun intended) to read my whining about the surgery: www.otherflowers.blogspot.com

And go hear to Auntie G's Brand New Blog to read her (much sweeter, less whiny, and more heartfelt) version of events around the house: www.loveafterloveger.blogspot.com

Surgery Complete!

2008-07-22T18:48:00.005-04:00

Fang Fang woke up in bed with her Aunt G as Maia was under the knife. Yay Aunt G - super auntie!

Spike spent the night with his buddy. Yay Perrins!

We got up too early after going to bed too late. Arrived at Albany Medical Center at 6AM as instructed. Pre-op team had Maia all ready by 7:30. She went into the OR at 8. The surgery was short - really only took about 40 minutes. Dr. called me in the "family of surgery patients waiting room" and told me all went well. He inserted a tiny steel prosthetic and sent her to recovery. She was dizzy/ill in recovery for awhile with orders that she couldn't leave until she could walk across the room without falling on her face. She did this about 4 hours later.

She slept all the way home. I tried not to do the same.

She's home now. Tired, a bit dizzy and a cotton ball stuffed in her ear. Staying still is a good thing. All is as well as can be.

Now we wait and listen and dole out the medication... and relearn how to listen.

Thanks everybody! Here's to hearing.

-r